THINK AGAIN

And the day was filled with so much brightness that went into my soul, children playing and birds chirping happily. I felt the joy in the atmosphere. I said to myself, today is my day as i entered into my Aston Martin and drove to work.
    Good morning ma'am. Marilyn said as i walked past her to my office. I waved and shut my door.
My phone rang immediately and i was not ready to speak to anyone because i needed to have my quiet time before i start off with the days' work.
Hello honey. I quickly picked up the phone as i heard my husband's voice.
Why haven't you been picking your calls, David's teacher just called me that he has been sick and he is admitted in Romeo ville hospital. Before he would say anymore, i grabbed my coat and rushed out filling Marilyn in and telling her what to do when the chairman arrives.
  I was there in no time as i rushed into the emergency to see my little boy lying lifeless on the bed. I screamed out my lungs because tears couldn't express my pain. I shook my boy hysterically so that he would wake up and see his mama again. I wept bitterly until the doctor summoned the guards to bring me to his office.
  Ma'am we just called your husband and he is on his way, you need to be calm. Even the doctor couldn't pacify me. I wailed so loudly thinking my boy will hear me as my husband quickly rushed to me holding me and calming me down, i saw his tears as they ran down his cheeks. Honey, did you know David was ill, I asked my husband pulling away from him searching for answers in his eyes. No, honey, they just called me this morning. He said stuttering.
 Doctor what happened to him this time, Williams gained enough momentum and asked.
As you know he was down already with Leukemia for a while now which the signs such as fever, weakness, persistent fatigue, enlarged spleen, bone pain, easy bleeding and swelling or pain of the left side of the abdomen including others i asked both of you to look out for. Well, he was not well monitored i will say.
You are saying we were careless? when we did everything humanly possible to make him live a normal life?
I said sending daggers to the doctor. Honey calm down my husband said holding my hand.
As we left the doctors office, we made arrangements for him to be taken to the morgue as tears welled in our eyes.
   The night was slow because i counted every second still praying David will come into my room and say "mama i can't sleep, can i stay in your room"? I wept so much as Williams would roll he will see me awake, wipe my tears and fold me in his arms. I love him so much i would whisper.
   Williams wake up i shook him as i stood up to use the bathroom.You know our families are coming over so we can all go to the morgue, i continued talking. When i didn't hear my husband's normal grumbling and bathroom hide i came out to see him lying on the bed. Honey, stand up now, i shook him harder, I am not ready for your pranks today. Honey, i called out. No! no! i shouted when it dawned on me what was happening. Honey you can't leave only me in this world! Tears ran down my face uncontrollably, the sadness i felt couldn't be contained as i rolled on the floor, crying and wailing. Honey you can't die, i cried bitterly as i ran quickly to the kitchen to get a knife to cut myself  i heard the doorbell. Go away, i shouted.
Honey see i will kill myself so that both of us will be together again as i began cutting myself, my parents rushed into the room, collected the knife from me. Give it back to me, i shouted at them. Baby we are sorry, my mum said holding me in her arms. Mummy i love him, i love him so much i sobbed. "I know" She said so calmly. I left her grip and laid on my dead husband still crying.

 I remember it all, it's twenty-three years today and i remember it all like it was yesterday. When it all happened i wished it was a dream in fact, I lost hope. I would listen to Celine Dion's "All by myself" and "Goodbye's the saddest word" repeatedly till someone introduced me to this fellowship that told me about Jesus and taught me His love which was unending.
So if you are out there feeling depressed, hurt, angry, thinking of suicide or heartbroken just know that Jesus loves you and He will never leave you. It might take time but eventually, you will get through.

"Mummy", Samantha called out...