Sunday, October 11, 2015

HOW TO OVERCOME SHYNESS

How to Overcome Shyness

We’ve both experienced different variations of shyness, and through practice and increased awareness we have both overcome this. The following are tips that have helped us overcome this uncomfortable feeling.
shyness3.jpg
Photo by Lauren

1. Understand Your Shyness

Seek to understand your unique brand of shyness and how that manifests in your life. Understand what situation triggers this feeling? And what are you concerned with at that point?

2. Turning Self Consciousness into Self Awareness

Recognize that the world is not looking at you. Besides, most people are too busy looking at themselves. Instead of watching yourself as if you are other people, bring your awareness inwards. Armed with your understanding of what makes you shy, seek within yourself and become the observing presence of your thoughts. Self awareness is the first step towards any change or life improvement.

3. Find Your Strengths

We all have unique qualities and different ways of expressing ourselves. It’s important to know and fully accept the things we do well, even if they differ from the norm. If everyone was the same, the world would be a pretty boring place.
  • Find something you are good at and focus on doing it. An identifiable strength will boost your natural self esteem and your ego, helping you better identify with yourself. It is a short term fix, but will give you the confidence you need to break your self-imposed barrier of fear.
  • See how your unique strength gives you an advantage. For example, Amanda is a naturally quiet person who prefers to spend time alone. She learned that she listens better than others and notices things that others miss in conversations. She also discovered that her alone time has given her a better understanding of herself.

4. Learn to Like Yourself

Practice appreciating yourself and liking the unique expression that is you. Write a love letter to yourself, do things you enjoy, give gratitude for your body and its effortless functions, spend quality time getting to know yourself, go on a self-date.

5. Not Conforming

Trying to fit in like everyone else is exhausting and not very much fun. Understand that it is okay to be different. In fact, underlying popular kid’s public displays of coolness, they too are experiencing insecurities, self-consciousness, and awkwardness. Accept that you may not be perceived as the most popular social butterfly, and you may not want to be either. At the end of the day, being popular will not make you happy. Accepting your unique qualities can set you free.

6. Focus on Other People

Rather than focusing on your awkwardness in social situations, focus on other people and what they have to say. Become interested in learning about others, and probe them to talk about themselves. You can try pondering the question while interacting: What is it about this person that I like?

7. Releasing Anxiety through Breath


Anxiety and fear can feel overwhelming if you are practicing to become more assertive in order to overcome this fear.
  • One simple technique to calm this anxiety into manageable bites is taking deep breaths with your eyes closed, while concentrating on just your breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly while clearing out all thoughts.
  • Another technique is from yoga: counting as you inhale and then as you exhale. Slowly leveling out your inhale and exhale duration. Example, 4 count for in and 4 for out. Once your breaths are leveled, add an extra count during your exhale. This means slowing down your exhale by just a tad as compared to your inhale. Continue for a few minutes until you are comfortable, than add another count to your exhale. You can easily do this in the bathroom, or in a spare room of when you need it.

8. Releasing Anxiety through Movement

One way of viewing anxiety is that it is blocked energy that needs to be released. We can release this energy through physical movement.
  • Exercises like jogging or walking will help to re-channel some of the blocked energies, but also helps by pulling you out of the situation and shifts your state of mind. This refreshed state of mind will help by adding perspectives to things.
  • Another effective technique is a simple muscle meditation/exercise. Sit down or lie down. Bring awareness to every part of your body, starting from your toes and moving up your body to the top of your head. At every part of your body, tighten the muscles at the center of awareness for 3-5 seconds, and then relax. Repeat this until you get to the top of your head. Remember to breathe.

9. Visualization

Visualizing yourself in the situation as a confident and happy person helps to shape your perception of yourself when you are actually in the situation. Close your eyes, sit back somewhere relaxing, listen to some relaxing music, imagine yourself in a scene or situation and see yourself the way you would like to be. In this scene, how do you feel? What do you hear? Do you smell anything? Are you moving? What do you see? Get all your senses involved to make it real.

10. Affirmation

Words can carry incredible energy. What we repeatedly tell ourselves, gets heard by our unconscious mind, and it acts accordingly. If we repeatedly tell ourselves that we are incapable, and too shy to do anything, we will become increasingly aware of evidence to back up this ‘fact’, and our actions will always match what we tell ourselves. Similarly, if we repeatedly tell ourselves that we are capable, confident, and wonderful human beings, our unconscious mind will likely surface the awareness that gives evidence to this new ‘fact’. While, we can’t lie to ourselves, positive visualization and affirmation are helpful in placing us along the road of positive thought patterns.

11. Do Not Leave an Uncomfortable Situation

When we leave shy situations, what we are really doing is reinforcing our shyness. Instead, face the situation square in the face. Turn the fearful situation into a place of introspection and personal growth. Become the observer and dig into yourself, answer the questions: why do I feel this way? What caused me to feel this way? Can there be an alternative explanation to what is happening?

12. Accept Rejection

Accept the possibility that we can be rejected and learning to not take it personally. Remember, you are not alone and we all experience rejections. It is part of life and part of the learning process. The key lies in how you handle rejections when they come. It helps to be mentally prepared before they happen:
  • Never take it personally. It was not your fault. It just wasn’t meant to be. The scenario was not the best fit for you.
  • Find the lesson – what did you learn? There is a lesson ingrained in every situation. And through these life lessons lies the potential for you to become a better person, a stronger person. Nothing is lost if you can find the lesson. See these as the blessings in disguise.
  • Move on. Recognize that when you fall into self-pity, you are not moving forward. Nothing will be changed from your self-pity. When you start to recognize this, it becomes clear that only energy is wasted while we feed to our problem-seeking ego. Pick yourself up, dust off the dirt and move on to the next thing. Try again, try again, try again. It will pay off!

13. Relinquish Perfectionism

When we compare ourselves, we tend to compare ourselves with the most popular person in the room or we compare ourselves with celebrities we see on TV. We set excessive expectations by comparing ourselves unreasonably to people unlike ourselves and wonder “why can’t I be that?” We carry with us a vision of another’s perfection and expect ourselves to fit that exact mold. And when we don’t fit, we beat ourselves up for it, wondering why we are such failures. You see, the problem lies in our emphasis on fitting into a vision we have created in our minds, which is not us. Let go of this perfect image, create visions of yourself out of the Being from who you are, naturally; and let that expression flow, naturally.
shyness2.jpg
Photo via g2slp

14. Stop Labeling Yourself

Stop labeling yourself as a shy person. You are you, you are unique, and you are beautiful. Can’t we just leave it at that?

15. Practice Social Skills

Like any other skill, social skills can be cultivated through practice and experience. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it becomes next time. If you have a hard time knowing what to say, you can practice what to say ahead of time.

16. Practice Being in Uncomfortable Situations

Sometimes, it is not the social skills we lack, but rather the lack of self confidence that we may succeed, and a heightened fear that we will fail. Placing yourself in these uncomfortable situations will help to desensitize your fear towards the situation. The more you force yourself to face it, and to experience it completely, you will realize that it is not that bad after all. It may be hard for your ego to accept at first, but quickly you will find that you can just laugh and enjoy it.

17. The Three Questions

During social settings where you may experience nervousness, periodically ask yourself the following three questions. Doing so will distract yourself from more self-destructive thoughts. Make it your mantra:
  1. Am I breathing?
  2. Am I relaxed?
  3. Am I moving with grace?

18. What is Comfortable for You?

Going to bars and clubs isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. Understand what feels comfortable for you, and find people, communities and activities which bring out the best in you. You can be just as equally social in settings that you connect with on a personal level, than the popular social settings. You don’t have to be doing what “everyone” else is doing. Besides, everyone else isn’t necessarily happy, despite your perception as such.

19. Focus on the Moment

Becoming mindful of what you’re doing, regardless of what you’re doing, will take focus away from the self. When you are having a conversation, forget about how you look, focus on the words, fall into the words, become absorbed in the words. The tones. The expression. Appreciate it and give gratitude for it.

20. Seek and Record Your Successes

As you overcome this condition we’ve been labeling as shyness, you will have many wins and realizations about yourself. You will gain insights into the truth behind social scenarios. You will start to view yourself differently and come to recognize that you can become comfortable and confident. When these wins and realizations happen, make sure to keep a notebook and write them down. Keeping a journal of your successes will not only boost self confidence, but also shift your focus towards something that can benefit you.


What are some of your moments of shyness? What did you do to overcome them? If you haven’t overcome them, why do you think that is the case & what can you do about it next time? See you in the comments! :)




CREDIT: Think simple now

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Have the clean look!






Guess who and who made it to Buhari's Ministerial list

Amaechi, Fashola , Abike Dabiri, Fayemi reportedly make Buhari's ministerial list


Yesterday the Senate President received the ministerial nominees list from the presidency and there are now speculations as to those Buhari have chosen to work with him in his administration. Among the 21 names speculated to have been sent to the senate for ministerial confirmation includes former governors, Babatunde Fashola, Chris Ngige, Ogbonnaya Onu, Kayode Fayemi, Rotimi Amaechi.

Also speculated to be on the list are: former house of representatives member Abike Dabiri-Erewa, a one time APC governorship flag bearer in Taraba, Aisha Alhassan,

Alhaji Lai Mohammed from Kwara State; Senator Udo Udoma (SAN) from Akwa Ibom State; and Special Adviser to the UN Secretary General on Sustainable Development Goals (SDGs), Ms. Amina J. Mohammed, Senator Aisha Alhassan; former National Legal Adviser of the defunct Congress for Progressive Change (CPC), Alhaji Abubakar Malami (SAN) from Kebbi State; Senator Hadi Abubakar Sirika from Katsina State; a governorship candidate in Oyo State, Alhaji Adebayo Shittu; and the immediate past Commissioner for Finance in Ogun State, Ms. Kemi Adeosun







North West her Pony and Ellen DeGeneres

North West asks Ellen DeGeneres to brush her little Pony's hair


Kim Kardashian and North West were on Ellen DeGeneres yesterday but before they went on air, Ellen spent some time with North West who asked her to brush her little pony's hair. Ellen brushed North's pony's hair with pleasure. Another photo of Kim and Ellen after the cut..



Mike Huckabee: Obama pretends to be a christian!



Mike Huckabee: Obama pretends to be a Christian
By Tom

Trump adviser backs controversial Huckabee comments

Who is Mike Huckabee

Huckabee invokes the Holocaust
Story highlights
Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee said President Barack Obama "pretends to be" Christian
Huckabee also tweeted that Obama should treat Pope Francis better on his first U.S. trip
Washington (CNN)Mike Huckabee suggested President Barack Obama "pretends to be" a Christian in knocking the President's handling of Pope Francis' first visit to the U.S.

When asked on Newsmax TV's "The Hard Line" on Tuesday about Ben Carson's comments that a Muslim should not be president of the United States, the former Arkansas governor began by saying there is no religious test for public office, but then shifted to a comment about Obama.

"I'm less concerned about what faith the person has. I'm more concerned about the authenticity of their faith and how that plays out in their politics ... I'm also concerned about a guy that believes he's a Christian and pretends to be and then says he is, but then does things that makes it very difficult for people to practice their Christian faith," Huckabee said.

Mike Huckabee's political career
"I'm disappointed if someone says, 'I'm a Christian,' but you invite the pope into your home and then you invite a whole bunch of people who are at odds with the Catholic Church policy. I think there's something very unseemly about that," he added.

Huckabee also tweeted earlier Tuesday that he was disappointed that Obama was not doing a better job welcoming Francis, despite Obama making a rare trip to Andrews Air Force Base to greet the pope.

"I welcome @Pontifex to America & offer my apologies that @POTUS will not offer him the warm, respectful welcome he deserves #PopeInUS" Huckabee wrote."

I welcome @Pontifex to America & offer my apologies that @POTUS will not offer him the warm, respectful welcome he deserves #PopeInUS

— Gov. Mike Huckabee (@GovMikeHuckabee) September 22, 2015
Obama's faith has been a topic on the 2016 trail since a supporter at a Donald Trump rally last week said the President was Muslim and not an American, charges that Trump did not dispute. Carson then sparked an uproar of his own on Sunday when he told NBC's "Meet the Press" that a Muslim shouldn't be president.

RELATED: Ben Carson: U.S. shouldn't elect a Muslim president

The controversy even circled back to Hillary Clinton, who, running against Obama in the 2008 primaries, said the then-senator wasn't a Muslim "as far as I know." Pressed by CNN's Don Lemon on "The Tom Joyner Morning Show" on Wednesday, Clinton said, "That is so ludicrous, Don. You know, honestly, I believe -- first of all, it is totally untrue. Secondly, the president and I have never had any kind of confrontation like that."